All right, I'm doing pretty well. There is a haze of presumably astrocytoma cells right of my pineal gland. Nevertheless, I am going to beat this thing. This is no mere bragging. I just know.

Book is going forward. This means the writing is coming along. If there is anyone reading this who knows the safeguards of a metro train - does it require a key, a numerical code, etc - I would appreciate the information. I specifically need info on the DC or London systems. If the FBI asks why I need this information, it's for a novel, not an attack against the West.

Came home late last night and much to my surprise the place was gleaming and neat and immaculate. The maid came by and cleaned up in my absence. Haven't paid her yet... But it is becoming rather obvious that my immediate environs reflect my state of mind and health. The place is looking great today and I feel good.

oh piano man

Sing us a song, Oh Piano Man. Sing us a song something something.

I woke up to pain and numbness. Stinks, I tell ye!

Spine place tomorrow. Brain man will tell me what he found out about brain.

I want to whine but Rabbit is not having any of this shit.
Rabbit is dizzy too. Rabbit feels the fucking nausea (that's new). But Rabbit is getting pissed about it. Rabbit is slowly developing a manic grin.

I can't really believe this can be treated with frigging manual therapy or exercise. But what the hell. Rabbit is rich.

Piano Man is humping a whale.

More Paintings

Mumra, the Ever Living

One of my erotic novels was recognized. It's a nice boost, I was very happy, I won't say what it was 'cause then you will know who I am and that would scare me. I just finished writing up the interview that they asked for.

Just finished intravenous treatment. Neck pain is somewhat less and the dizzyness is less too. But something must be done about the intermittent numbness in the limbs and the head and the cold eyes and what not. It is pretty obvious that the problem is not the brain, it is my spine. So on Tuesday I am going to a funky spine clinic that does nothing but spine stuff. I am pretty sure that my doctor is so focused on my history with the tumor that he is viewing the neck thing as a side issue.

Going to see King Lear at the theater! Can't wait. When and if I am going through a breakup I will go see Othello.

There are three books on my desk next to the laptop. I use all three as reference materials for the current book: Holy Bible, Grimm's Fairy Tales, The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and (ok, four) Viking Myths.
It's gonna be a great book!

With a wicked gleam...

I am going to fight this. =)

Update Galore

I am getting intravenous drip to decrease the inflammation of my spine. It is helping with the pain a little bit. But the dizzyness and the vision problems are getting worse. My doctor is reviewing the Acetate PET scan. He does not look happy.

The Acetate PET scan showed a resurgent tumor. Not big but there is something there that is not normal. That was about 8 months ago I think.

My left side is numb. My right arm is numb. My right fingers are numb. My left hand is getting numb.

Icy cold fingers, sharp lavender tingles.

The left side of my head is cold. My right eye is cold.
Painted on Monday night. It's pretty. I will post it later.
Sent out the first 40 pages of the book to be test-read by some friends.

I read all your comments and appreciate the input. When I got the thing in the first place, yes, I agree, I caused it. But now I want to live and to grow and to create. I don't want to die yet. I would be willing to make a deal: 3 years of perfect health. For that, I would be willing to give a lot. Incidentally I had an ex gf whose initials were JMD. I don't believe she would appreciate my appearance. I am making up for past regrets now, I have reached that stage in my life. So I am dizzy and in pain despite an overwhelming desire to live and fly.

Then again all this may be just a false alarm and my spine might be fucking me up. In that case it's still not good but I am hoping it will get better. I don't know. It's hard to concentrate.

I am taking each day at a time. Each day is a universe in and of itself. It starts with coffee and breakfast and vitamins and ends on-line with friends or live with friends. I am loved and people care for me and I have a wonderful apartment and I am writing my fifth book and it is GREAT, in all honesty, it makes no compromises at all.

My left foot is numb.
This is a whiny entry.

sharp black line

i reached a threshold tonight. I can't cope with this anymore. I am in so much pain I can't sleep anymore. This is not some emotional depressed rambling - I will describe the problem: Unless I use my fingers to force a curve of my cervical spine, or unless I am lying on a full waterbottle (to force a curve) I am experiencing constant, excruciating pain. It radiates into my right arm and both hands. I will call my neural surgeon tomorrow. He does not want to operate and I don't want an operation but there may be no choice left. I can't really work anymore and I can't write anymore. I can barely leave my fucking apartment. I have no idea how I will go skiing in February - what a fucking joke. I am hoping I will be able to walk by February. I most certainly can't court someone like this and I'm lonely.
So I can't sleep. I can't work. I'm in constant pain. I can't exercise. I am being ground down. I have no fucking clue what to do.