sharp black line
i reached a threshold tonight. I can't cope with this anymore. I am in so much pain I can't sleep anymore. This is not some emotional depressed rambling - I will describe the problem: Unless I use my fingers to force a curve of my cervical spine, or unless I am lying on a full waterbottle (to force a curve) I am experiencing constant, excruciating pain. It radiates into my right arm and both hands. I will call my neural surgeon tomorrow. He does not want to operate and I don't want an operation but there may be no choice left. I can't really work anymore and I can't write anymore. I can barely leave my fucking apartment. I have no idea how I will go skiing in February - what a fucking joke. I am hoping I will be able to walk by February. I most certainly can't court someone like this and I'm lonely.
So I can't sleep. I can't work. I'm in constant pain. I can't exercise. I am being ground down. I have no fucking clue what to do.
So I can't sleep. I can't work. I'm in constant pain. I can't exercise. I am being ground down. I have no fucking clue what to do.
posted by Balázsy András at 12:19 AM
4 Comments:
Man, I am so sorry:(
My humble advice is: pay all bills, contact men and women who have been standing by you during the past few years, who supported you in your illness (both in the tumor and the neck issue) and during your recovery and even after...call people you upset and apologize...offer an olive branch to your foes and and seek reconciliation...ask everyone what favor you can do for them. ASAP.Life is fragile.
You will be in my prayers.
well I am not writing myself off quite yet. It is just making life exceedingly painful and difficult to live. Will keep you posted.
JMD's comment makes sense. Are you familiar with the book 'The Power Is Within YOU' by Louise L.Hay? She is an expert of holistic health studies and healed herself from the cancer.
Such serious health problems root in severe unresolved spiritual issues. According to L.Hay the keyword is forgiveness. Face the issue, face the person and forgive. You will be amazed by the power of positive energies. Take one step at a time.You say you feel lonely and want to court a girl. Remember your last relationship. How did it end? If it was a bitter breakup, negative energies still work in the subconscious of both parties. Turn them into positive by initiating a friendly phone conversation with her. Then watch yourself:)You will feel much easier once the spell is broken.Then take the next step. :)
God Bless You, Pig!
More: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Louise_Hay
I agree. Only you can overwrite the negative patterns that lead to health issues. The subconscious always remembers the closing ritual. A friendly last conversation wipes out negative seeds from it. A bitter breakup or a disappointing scenario forms an invisible negative bond (even if the two former partners never meet again!).Once you set yourself free by shaking hands and forgiving each other, you both can move on freely. Such oppressed negative scenarios accumulate and block you from establishing a new relationship that bears no negative marks from your past. So if you feel lonely and want to date someone again, take action of your recent past (1-3 years) first. Only you are in charge of yourself. No-one can heal you but YOU! Make the first move. Once you are done with the first step, the Universe will illuminate the second...then the third...and so on...
God Bless You.
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