Mr. Fox and Rabbit - Part 14

“WHERE IS YOUR FINGER?”Heather assumed the position and Benny began to bring it home. Rabbit, Mr. Fox and Dr. Bear quickly put on pajamas and gathered around the fire, excited as kittens as the squat freak began to relay the Story of the Z-Magic Fingerpuppet of Doom.
“Oh yeah. It was Z Magic time at the Magic Tower, Benny the Man ensorceling the ladies, as usual. I was practicing my latest Magick, the Spell of Vibrant Hardness, on the Z Magic wand. How do you like the Z Magic wand, HEATHER Lady Fair?”
“Shut up. Come already.”
“Oh yeah, liking to bring pleasure to the Z Magic Man. No worries little Lady. I shall make you mine, oh yeah. So I am pleasuring this little lady when my wand misfires – no worries about that anymore, little lady – and I accidentally ensorcel my finger!”
Heather swiveled her head 180 degrees. Her compound eyes glittered with insectoid malevolence. “What do you mean there is no danger of your… wand …misfiring anymore?”
“Relax, little Lady. I shall bring you unimaginable pleasures, courtesy of Z Magic time.”
Dr. Bear’s terror was overwhelming. “WHERE IS YOUR FINGER?”
“So anyway, I accidentally cast my spell upon the digit.” Benny raised his four fingered hand and wiggled the stump.
Rabbit closed his eyes and emitted a tiny, helpless whimper. Fox jumped into the aquarium and buried his head into the sand. The little pirate statue fell over his furry little ass. Rabbit realized this made the little plastic statue into a butt pirate.
“WHERE IS YOUR FINGER?”
“So I was pleasuring myself, stroking the Z Magic Wand with my newly ensorceled hand – you like that, don’t you, HEATHER, you tawdry little minx? – as I was viewing a pictorial of that political pundit Goddess, Ann Coulter – when my finger decided to get some action himself. I can’t really blame him. I mean, would you…”
“NO. Under no circumstances.”
“WHERE IS YOUR FINGER?”
“He took off. I suspect he is dating Ann.”
“YOUR FINGER – YOUR FINGER IS WITH ANN COULTER?”
“No… I suspect he is IN Ann Coulter.”
Dr. Bear whimpered and hugged himself, crooning softly.
Mr. Fox got up and busied himself in the kitchen. “It’s time for a healthy helping of cocoa for all!”
Heather yawned. “Yes. Yes. Yes.” She glanced at Benny with undisguised exasperation. “Are you gonna come or what?”
“Had the Z-Magic tunnel of love tied off to…”
“What?!” Heather immediately slid from the Z Magic love tunneler. She stared at Benny with an utter lack of enthusiasm, full of imminent violence.
Rabbit smiled. He tossed a piece of paper at Benny. “Sign this.”
“What is it?”
“Last will and testament. I suspect you have… Hmmm… 12 lines to go.”
Benny frowned. “This says I leave all my worldly possessions to your issue.”
“Taxes, you know.”
“What do I get?”
“Uhm. Well, you get to nail my sister. Who is really really hot. Just sign this. Quickly.”
“Why quickly?”
Rabbit counted out loud. “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven…”
Benny chuckled. “Relax Rabbit. Are you counting lines?”
“Not exactly.”
“Then what are you counting?”
“The number of ants entering your ear. I lost count after seven.”
Dr. Bear gently covered the collapsed stage magician under a blanket of fine Mongolian horsehair. The vague sound of insectoid chewing could be heard, a susurrating, mellow background symphony to the general hustle-bustle of the tree.
Mr. Fox brought everyone large, steaming mugs of cocoa in friendly blue earthenware.
“Succulent!” Rabbit closed his eyes and breathed in the chocolaty vapors. “Dammit, he did not sign. Yet.”