Mr. Fox and Rabbit – Part 13 (Where Benny Protrudes his Proboscis)
Heather sobbed and protruded her proboscis.Rabbit paled. Mr. Fox pedantically sang to the tune of Money Money Money by Abba. "I had no idea ANTS had a proboscis... Had a proboscis..."Dr. Bear lumbered closer. "So these voracious females... Are they hot?"
“Eeeeextremely hot…” Heather cooed. “All you have to do is partake of my …uh …beauty …and there will be an entire ARMY …bevy of half bear half ant babes patrolling… I mean looking for hot action all over the forest.”
The stylish deep thrum of some motor vehicle halted with the violent screech of overwhelmed brakes.
Rabbit’s right ear swiveled to focus on the new disturbance. His eyes suddenly bulged, acquiring a sudden crimson sheen. “Fuck me! It’s Benny!”
An oily voice floated into the tree “Oh yeah. It’s Z Magic Time, Ladies.”
Dr. Bear squinted at the short, Mediterranean intruder. “Uhm. Who are you?”
“I am Benny the Man, the Z MAGIC MAN, strutting my stuff… My ride is equipped with the Z MAGIC babe detector. Where are the luscious, well lubricated LADIES I am dying to make the acquintance of?”
Heather sidled up to the squat intruder. She gazed up at him with large, innocent eyes, each of her supple, long legs delicately extended past the thorax. “I am HEATHER.”
Benny drooled. His eyes glazed over nearly immediately (this is strictly a function of the name HEATHER. As everyone knows, all males are honor bound to fornicate at least once in their life with HEATHER. Looks, species, age, these are all irrelevant in the all consuming need to NAIL HEATHER.) Benny whipped off his baseball cap and closed his eyes, concentrating. Waving his left hand over the cap, he dipped it inside and removed a business card, handing it over to the puzzled insect.
“Wow. You are like so cool.” Oozed Heather. “You are ready for everything. Business cards kept in your hat and all.”
“No… It was magic…”
“Yes, yes… Tell me more about yourself, Benny.”
Rabbit’s ears flattened themselves against his skull, wrapping twice around his chin, lending him the look of a bandaged mummy.
Mr. Fox meandered outside.
He stared at the blue corvette which immediately transformed into theAutobot Tracks .
The 18 foot tall mechanical monstrosity smiled with pompous self importance. “We must procure more energon to defeat the Decepticons.”
Mr. Fox smiled and considered the problem. Obviously, the Autobots could not be allowed to establish a bridgehead in the forest. He tossed a hand grenade through Tracks’ window and calmly returned into the tree, cutting off the sound of the explosion by violently slamming the newly rematerialized front door shut. Inside, everything looked normal.
Heather was hanging off of Benny’s zipper, trying to drag the impossibly heavy object down so she could breed her army of insectoid conquerors. Rabbit looked on with detached interest, while Dr. Bear ate olives from a perfectly oblong turnip.
„I am Mr. Fox.” Mr. Fox smiled toothily. Benny stretched out his hand. The handshake began with an instant look of puzzlement which grew to near panic. For a moment, the furry red forest creature looked completely freaked out. „Rabbit… Shake the nice man’s hand.”
Rabbit shrugged and obeyed. His eyes bulged out until there was a loud popping sound. He yanked his paw from the human’s wildly incomplete appendage. „FUCK…! YOU SUBHUMAN FREAK!”
“I can’t believe you would mock someone for being different.” smiled Mr. Fox. He was shaking, and wiping his paw against the bark of the tree. “We should treasure diversity in all of God’s creatures. There is a whole spectrum of colors and flavors for every palette. Nearly every palette.”
Dr. Bear stared at Benny with the beginning of an icy, nearly incomprehensible wave of fear, the kind that starts from the tip of the paws and culminates in blood curdling heart attacks and recriminations. He whispered so loud it cracked the blue pot from Maine, the one with the white spots. “WHERE IS YOUR FINGER?”
Heather screamed. “My arms are getting tired! Are you gonna unzip those pants and knock me up, Benny?!”
Benny blinked and looked at the Queen attached to his zipper. “Well hello, Lady Fair! Always room for another fan on the Z Magic X-press!”
“WHERE IS YOUR FINGER?”
Heather assumed the position and Benny began to bring it home. Rabbit, Mr. Fox and Dr. Bear quickly put on pajamas and gathered around the fire, excited as kittens as the squat freak began to relay the Story of the Z-Magic Fingerpuppet of Doom.
“Eeeeextremely hot…” Heather cooed. “All you have to do is partake of my …uh …beauty …and there will be an entire ARMY …bevy of half bear half ant babes patrolling… I mean looking for hot action all over the forest.”
The stylish deep thrum of some motor vehicle halted with the violent screech of overwhelmed brakes.
Rabbit’s right ear swiveled to focus on the new disturbance. His eyes suddenly bulged, acquiring a sudden crimson sheen. “Fuck me! It’s Benny!”
An oily voice floated into the tree “Oh yeah. It’s Z Magic Time, Ladies.”
Dr. Bear squinted at the short, Mediterranean intruder. “Uhm. Who are you?”
“I am Benny the Man, the Z MAGIC MAN, strutting my stuff… My ride is equipped with the Z MAGIC babe detector. Where are the luscious, well lubricated LADIES I am dying to make the acquintance of?”
Heather sidled up to the squat intruder. She gazed up at him with large, innocent eyes, each of her supple, long legs delicately extended past the thorax. “I am HEATHER.”
Benny drooled. His eyes glazed over nearly immediately (this is strictly a function of the name HEATHER. As everyone knows, all males are honor bound to fornicate at least once in their life with HEATHER. Looks, species, age, these are all irrelevant in the all consuming need to NAIL HEATHER.) Benny whipped off his baseball cap and closed his eyes, concentrating. Waving his left hand over the cap, he dipped it inside and removed a business card, handing it over to the puzzled insect.
“Wow. You are like so cool.” Oozed Heather. “You are ready for everything. Business cards kept in your hat and all.”
“No… It was magic…”
“Yes, yes… Tell me more about yourself, Benny.”
Rabbit’s ears flattened themselves against his skull, wrapping twice around his chin, lending him the look of a bandaged mummy.
Mr. Fox meandered outside.
He stared at the blue corvette which immediately transformed into the
The 18 foot tall mechanical monstrosity smiled with pompous self importance. “We must procure more energon to defeat the Decepticons.”
Mr. Fox smiled and considered the problem. Obviously, the Autobots could not be allowed to establish a bridgehead in the forest. He tossed a hand grenade through Tracks’ window and calmly returned into the tree, cutting off the sound of the explosion by violently slamming the newly rematerialized front door shut. Inside, everything looked normal.
Heather was hanging off of Benny’s zipper, trying to drag the impossibly heavy object down so she could breed her army of insectoid conquerors. Rabbit looked on with detached interest, while Dr. Bear ate olives from a perfectly oblong turnip.
„I am Mr. Fox.” Mr. Fox smiled toothily. Benny stretched out his hand. The handshake began with an instant look of puzzlement which grew to near panic. For a moment, the furry red forest creature looked completely freaked out. „Rabbit… Shake the nice man’s hand.”
Rabbit shrugged and obeyed. His eyes bulged out until there was a loud popping sound. He yanked his paw from the human’s wildly incomplete appendage. „FUCK…! YOU SUBHUMAN FREAK!”
“I can’t believe you would mock someone for being different.” smiled Mr. Fox. He was shaking, and wiping his paw against the bark of the tree. “We should treasure diversity in all of God’s creatures. There is a whole spectrum of colors and flavors for every palette. Nearly every palette.”
Dr. Bear stared at Benny with the beginning of an icy, nearly incomprehensible wave of fear, the kind that starts from the tip of the paws and culminates in blood curdling heart attacks and recriminations. He whispered so loud it cracked the blue pot from Maine, the one with the white spots. “WHERE IS YOUR FINGER?”
Heather screamed. “My arms are getting tired! Are you gonna unzip those pants and knock me up, Benny?!”
Benny blinked and looked at the Queen attached to his zipper. “Well hello, Lady Fair! Always room for another fan on the Z Magic X-press!”
“WHERE IS YOUR FINGER?”
Heather assumed the position and Benny began to bring it home. Rabbit, Mr. Fox and Dr. Bear quickly put on pajamas and gathered around the fire, excited as kittens as the squat freak began to relay the Story of the Z-Magic Fingerpuppet of Doom.
posted by Balázsy András at 5:58 PM
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