Robert Jordan SUCKS
This is a critique of the fantasy series Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan. Before you simply file me away to the Nerd Cabinet for the rest of my life, I also read Hemingway and Murakami and Bret Ellis and other good writers. I also read George Martin and I refuse to read Salvatore.
The first three books were great and I felt compelled to read the ones that followed. Well, I will save you 25 dollars and tell you exactly what happens in Book 11:
NOTHING.
Let me give you a touch more detail on the NOTHING. In 750 pages Elaine gainst the throne of Andor (of course it would be too much to hope for a coronation), Tuon marries Matt and Semirhage is captured by Rand, who loses his left hand during the fight. Jordan put in the fight scene because HIS PUBLISHER PROBABLY HAD A SHITFIT when they read the god awful, endless description of 'beautiful and strong women' (it feels like there are barely any men), the endless stream of character names, the infinite descriptions of clothing that all sound alike, and the utter lack of character development. Faile is freed, but we all knew this would happen and we all knew it would be stupid. In other words, NOTHING happens.
I can only think of one way to redeem yourself, Robert: Make Rand (yes - theoretically he is the main character, although you see precious little of him for books at a time), ok, so, make Rand LOSE. Have the Dark One (why is satan always Dark? Can't he be Evil Whitey for a change?)
Kill Everyone.
Remake the world as Evil and Decaying.
In fact, do it in Chapter 1 of the next book. Ignore every single storyline and crush the imbeciles. I will read that.
I feel better now that it's out. Thank you for listening. I apologize to ANY RANDOM FAN OF FANTASY (ARFF) whose 'enjoyment' of BOOK 11 (just writing that makes me wince) has been torpedoed by The Winged Pig, May He Live Forever.
The first three books were great and I felt compelled to read the ones that followed. Well, I will save you 25 dollars and tell you exactly what happens in Book 11:
NOTHING.
Let me give you a touch more detail on the NOTHING. In 750 pages Elaine gainst the throne of Andor (of course it would be too much to hope for a coronation), Tuon marries Matt and Semirhage is captured by Rand, who loses his left hand during the fight. Jordan put in the fight scene because HIS PUBLISHER PROBABLY HAD A SHITFIT when they read the god awful, endless description of 'beautiful and strong women' (it feels like there are barely any men), the endless stream of character names, the infinite descriptions of clothing that all sound alike, and the utter lack of character development. Faile is freed, but we all knew this would happen and we all knew it would be stupid. In other words, NOTHING happens.
I can only think of one way to redeem yourself, Robert: Make Rand (yes - theoretically he is the main character, although you see precious little of him for books at a time), ok, so, make Rand LOSE. Have the Dark One (why is satan always Dark? Can't he be Evil Whitey for a change?)
Kill Everyone.
Remake the world as Evil and Decaying.
In fact, do it in Chapter 1 of the next book. Ignore every single storyline and crush the imbeciles. I will read that.
I feel better now that it's out. Thank you for listening. I apologize to ANY RANDOM FAN OF FANTASY (ARFF) whose 'enjoyment' of BOOK 11 (just writing that makes me wince) has been torpedoed by The Winged Pig, May He Live Forever.
posted by Balázsy András at 12:39 PM
5 Comments:
I've got pirated e-books of this whole series. I no longer feel bad about not having read them.
I've read the first two in the series. You're right, they're erally good. But I've heard what you just said. He just keeps writing the same crap over and over and it never goes anywhere.
Coincidentally, I've also heard that George RR Martin can't finish his series because he's completely painted himself into a corner by killing off all his characters. I've read the first book, but none of the rest. His writing's definitely superior to Jordan's, though.
Read the first 3 books of Jordan and all of the Martin books. It is an amazing read, all of it. Ignore the rest.
I agree with most of that, first 2 books really good third one not bad. But after that it kinda slows down, the bitches as i call them (Nyneave, Egwene, elayne etc) make me want to have a nap, but some of it is good. A friend of mine tol my that his wife is his editor that would explain why the bitches take up liek 60% of the book. The male Charecters are good but theyre kinda nancies, they cry when a woman dies, and Rand seems to take endless shit from the female characters that no one with super powers would, i guess the women who read this find it funny i know i sure as hell dont. And another problem is that Rand has the Sa'angreals that give him godlike powers but he never uses them. Why not flatten the white tower just for laughs or go to Seanchan and kill the shit out of them. Ive recently re-read teh series cause i had nothign else to read and i can tell you that it makes the books alot more enjoyable if you skip over the view points of the bitches, and it takes you about 40 minutes to finish each book.
Are you guys crackheads or something? The first book really sucked, so much that I never went beyond it. As far as I know the rest of the series could be genius (though I doubt it). The first was obviously a ripoff. It might have been redeemed, except Jordan was no great prose stylist. That this series lasted to 12 books and probably beyond is mind boggling.
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