Hurricanes
Hurricanes gain their power from warm water. When they leave the water their strength diminishes rapidly. This is why Utah is a relatively safe place during Hurricane season.
Nobody cares about a weak hurricane, or about a strong Hurricane, even, that fails to hit interesting areas (defined as areas that are inhabited by Americans, versus areas that are inhabited by poor people who are living in mud huts in the Caribbean or Mexico).
We do this because secretly we yearn for the apocalypse. When the Hurricane hits an area that is already fucked (like the trash strewn barrios of Mexico) we don’t really care – they are already experiencing their hell on earth, death to them, (as we, well fed TV viewers see it), must feel like a relief.
Why are we such pricks? Well, we yearn for the apocalypse because we are bored. For the vast majority of people life is a dull routine of useless bullshit from the end of childhood. There is trash everywhere. The places where there is no trash are artificial islands in a sea of mediocrity and degraded spirit.
So the real question is not how we can stop Hurricanes – it is how we can make them STRONGER. Like I said, there is simply no point to a weak hurricane – there is no respect for one of those at all. Category 1? Pheleeease. Category 5 or higher (I know there is none higher. There really should be though.), now there is a BREAKING NEWS ITEM.
Suggested methods to beef up promising Hurricane:
Superheat the water just ahead of Hurricane approaching US shore with a thermonuclear explosion or via a reactor meltdown within a nuclear submarine. The added benefit of this approach (in addition to really fattening up this baby) is the creation of the first radioactive Hurricane! How cool would that be?
Pee in the water just ahead of Hurricane approaching US shore. Although the added heat energy will increase the Hurricane’s power only by a relatively minuscule amount, you will have the added satisfaction of peeing all over the inhabitants of the eastern seaboard.
Contribute to global warming as individuals. Support opposition to environmental things like the Kyoto accords. This is a lame method, as it is probably too late anyway to stop the apocalypse, but every little bit counts.
Add your own! There are probably many I have not thought of!
Nobody cares about a weak hurricane, or about a strong Hurricane, even, that fails to hit interesting areas (defined as areas that are inhabited by Americans, versus areas that are inhabited by poor people who are living in mud huts in the Caribbean or Mexico).
We do this because secretly we yearn for the apocalypse. When the Hurricane hits an area that is already fucked (like the trash strewn barrios of Mexico) we don’t really care – they are already experiencing their hell on earth, death to them, (as we, well fed TV viewers see it), must feel like a relief.
Why are we such pricks? Well, we yearn for the apocalypse because we are bored. For the vast majority of people life is a dull routine of useless bullshit from the end of childhood. There is trash everywhere. The places where there is no trash are artificial islands in a sea of mediocrity and degraded spirit.
So the real question is not how we can stop Hurricanes – it is how we can make them STRONGER. Like I said, there is simply no point to a weak hurricane – there is no respect for one of those at all. Category 1? Pheleeease. Category 5 or higher (I know there is none higher. There really should be though.), now there is a BREAKING NEWS ITEM.
Suggested methods to beef up promising Hurricane:
Superheat the water just ahead of Hurricane approaching US shore with a thermonuclear explosion or via a reactor meltdown within a nuclear submarine. The added benefit of this approach (in addition to really fattening up this baby) is the creation of the first radioactive Hurricane! How cool would that be?
Pee in the water just ahead of Hurricane approaching US shore. Although the added heat energy will increase the Hurricane’s power only by a relatively minuscule amount, you will have the added satisfaction of peeing all over the inhabitants of the eastern seaboard.
Contribute to global warming as individuals. Support opposition to environmental things like the Kyoto accords. This is a lame method, as it is probably too late anyway to stop the apocalypse, but every little bit counts.
Add your own! There are probably many I have not thought of!
posted by Balázsy András at 5:45 PM
3 Comments:
I love vagina! Nice blog by the way!
4. Propagate blog spam. While this will not add force to the hurricane, it has the added benefit of making both the recipients and the readers wish they were dead.
I think we're pretty good with hurricanes now. Wilma was a strong two or a weak three when it hit Florida, and that was good enough to knock Al Roker on his ass. That's got to count for something.
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