ACTUAL VIGNETTES FROM THE WINGED PIG’S BIG NIGHT

Cast of Characters:
SDW – smiling devil waitress – great smile, great ass, funny, flirts well in access of her 22 years. Little funny flirt machine. Shakes butt while she walks.
H2C – Hottie 2nd Cousin – shares TWP’s general disdain at normal society. Falls in love easily. Is trying to set TWP up with her hottie friends. Works at a top notch hotel in Budapest as a masseause.
BCW – Blonde coworker, 23 year old attractive girl. Hottie 2nd Cousin’s friend from the hotel. Funny, currently shimmering with rage.
TWP - looking slick, wearing a sardonic grin, cool black leather jacket and jeans

The Winged Pig, in his post brain tumor reincarnation, does not lie or play games. This results in endless hours or amusement.

TWP „So you are from Gyongyos?”
SDW: „Yes. It is a beautiful place. Here! (she passes me a vase full of this amazing smelling flower – matching the name of her home town)
TWP: „Wow, that smells great.”
SDW: „There is a perfume for it but it is too sweet.”
TWP: „Just rub the flower all over your body.”
SDW: „That is a good idea.”

BCW: „So why are you back here in Hungary?”
TWP: (blink blink blink)
BCW: „Did I touch upon a sensitive topic?”
TWP: „Uhm… Yeah. I mean, this is just not a topic for lighthearted conversation. I mean, two words and you will be staring at me deathly pale. Trust me.”
BCW: „Oh come on.”
TWP: „I really have no choice and tell you now… This should amuse me with endless hours of tortured cackling.”
BCW: (bright, intrigued smile) „Go on!”
TWP: (lean forward, smiling brightly) „BRAIN TUMOR.”
BCW: (deathly pale, supernaturally still) „WHAT?”

BCW: „So I call her place and she picks up the phone. I say: ’is this Francois’ girlfriend?’ and she says yes, it is. Then I say I am also Francois’ girlfriend, just not in France, in Budapest. I can hear that she put her hand on the receiver and HE comes on the line, and he puts on a show and screams into the receiver that he loves his girlfriend of two years and I am to stop my lies.”
TWP: „That is really incredibly harsh.”

BCW: „So tell me – I would love to read your book. What is it about?”
TWP: „It is a rather saucy erotic novel.”
BCW: „Is it nasty?”
TWP: (what the hell is nasty? if she means nasty is a bunch of choir boys fornicating with a goat, then it is totally not nasty) „No, it is not nasty.”
BCW: „So can I read it?”
TWP: „I am probably not even going to publish it under my own name.”
BCW: „Is it nasty, then?”

TWP: „You are peeling that bottle with your pocket knife.”
BCW: „So?”
TWP: „You do know what Freud said about peeling a bottle?”
BCW: „No. This is going to be something really weird, isn’t it…”
TWP: „Not really. Peeling a bottle – or chewing ice – is a sign of intense sexual frustration.”
BCW: „I love this bottle!!! (collapsing into a bitter ball of rage) All I have is ice!”
TWP: „Hahahaha, exactly what I said.”

BCW: „Let’s go to Paris. Rain on his parade. It will be a mission of vengeance.”
H2C: „Okay.”
BCW: (facing me) „Why can’t you come with us?”
TWP: „Multiple herniated disks. I am about to undergo treatment. Keep a detailed journal. I will write the book, it will be Thelma and Louise but with hot women.”
BCW: „Good god. Are you serious?”
TWP: „Thelma and Louise? Absolutely.”
BCW: „No. Herniated disks.”
TWP: (laughing hysterically) „oh yeah.”
BCW: „Wow. You are really collecting this shit, aren’t you?”

SDW: „Can I do anything else for you?”
BCW (yawning): „A bed, please.”
SDW (glancing at me): „Mine is really far. Really far. In the XVIIIth district. So I really can’t give you that. Because it is far away.”
TWP: (stares at flower in vase on table)