Teeth Whitening - the Male Answer to Breast Augmentation

I saw this documentary once (simply a clever way to show large breasted trophy wives during prime time news) about this breast augmentation technique that allows women to add or subtract from the amount of gel inside their implants AFTER surgery. Nearly all women chose to INCREASE what they already got - their modest C cup went to D or DD without having to have another surgery.

I am doing that teeth whitening thing because I went through all this dental work and braces and all as an adult and I am simply not going to settle for anything short of perfection. Also, I noticed that chicks are just suckers for perfect teeth. I am a sucker for chicks, so there. In any case, I am whitening my teeth, and I came to realize that I am becoming a tooth whiteness slut. It simply cannot be white enough for me. Like a woman who looks at her new D cup and realizes that it simply is NOT LARGE ENOUGH, I am staring at my teeth in the mirror and I am displeased. I suspect I will only be happy if I apply WHITEOUT. I am hereby instructing all who work in an office environment to procure whiteout to meet my needs.

This reminds me of this rather attractive paralegal I used to work with - your stereotypical office decoration with long blonde hair and ...teeth ...which appeared to gleam like Luke's first lightsaber. She got that laser thing done to her teeth and you had to shield your eyes when she opened her mouth. Is this what I am going towards? Save me!

I think I am just doing it because I am bored and I am getting a crown on a front tooth and I want the color to match my existing teeth... which are a touch too dark for my taste. So don't worry - I am not becoming a silicon twit.

God, this is a retarded entry. Maybe it is the massive infusion of strange witchdoctor drug. Add the immense quantities of fluoride I am swallowing by virtue of the gel I have to brush my teeth with for the next two mornings and the development of superpowers is pretty much a gimme.