A real entry
Maybe Kellie is right.
For a long time I stopped using the blog now as I originally used it, which was mainly as my confessional. I shoved my fears and my emotions out into the open and I derived strength from the few comments that I got. I shall not
I guess the reason for this change was that I shared the URL with my ex girlfriend and I had to censor myself. We are not dating anymore so that's no longer a constraint, still, there are other reasons.
I had no hope when I wrote the first few months worth of entries. I thought I was dying and I felt exiled, friendless. I was still in love, hopelessly.
I am not in love anymore and I no longer think I'm dying. Maybe that's why the entries became stale. Thank you Kellie. Sometimes it is necessary to be told to one's face when one has lost his way. I will consider very carefully what it is that I wish to do with this blog, if anything. Sometimes I feel like I am going through the motions without actually dipping into the well.
For a long time I stopped using the blog now as I originally used it, which was mainly as my confessional. I shoved my fears and my emotions out into the open and I derived strength from the few comments that I got. I shall not
I guess the reason for this change was that I shared the URL with my ex girlfriend and I had to censor myself. We are not dating anymore so that's no longer a constraint, still, there are other reasons.
I had no hope when I wrote the first few months worth of entries. I thought I was dying and I felt exiled, friendless. I was still in love, hopelessly.
I am not in love anymore and I no longer think I'm dying. Maybe that's why the entries became stale. Thank you Kellie. Sometimes it is necessary to be told to one's face when one has lost his way. I will consider very carefully what it is that I wish to do with this blog, if anything. Sometimes I feel like I am going through the motions without actually dipping into the well.
posted by Balázsy András at 3:40 PM
2 Comments:
Well, now you have returned to your online confessional, now that your girlfriend is gone. She must have meant a lot to you, probably you could tell her almost everything.
Yes, at the beginning you wrote very dramatic posts, full of pain, confusion and traumas. I can understand it perfectly.The brain tumor is very serious but man: hopeless love is not love. It is your inner potential to love, focused on the wrong person (that's what I tell my sons, two teenagers). It exists in dreamland only. In real life it is dead.
Your style changed a lot when you met your ex-girlfriend. You got in touch with yourself as a real living creature, finally distracted from useless and self-destructive outbursts. That girl did you a lot of good. Your posts had strength of spirit, goals, you were more focused on your goals. You were a living person again. No harshness, no sarcasm, good sense of humour and LIFE!To my surprise, you did not talk about her and your feelings for this lady much.
You still seem to be unable to talk about the breakup. You started writing again, but the vigorous young man has vanished.
Yes, that good sense of humour and LIFE! It is no more there. Does it have anything to do with the loss of your girlfriend? Or maybe it was the book you mentioned in the latest Mr Fox and Rabbit episode?
'I am not in love anymore and I no longer think I'm dying.'-it cannot be a reason.
Post a Comment
<< Home