Mr. Fox and Rabbit - Part 19
“Well, we DO need to intro Commander Vimes,” said Rabbit and pulled the car over into a gas station owned by Valero. He pointed at the sign with his paw. “Valero is primarily a west coast refiner of petroleum. The company mostly uses sweet crude from Iraq. It is tasty crude, light, easy to turn into juicy GAS!”
Commander Vimes briskly walked from the gas station convenience store to Rabbit. “I am Commander Vimes of the City Watch,” he said with just a trace of irritation in his voice. “What the fuck are you?”
With the voice of a bass baritone opera singer, Mr. Fox thundered in response. “I am Sir Alfred Hayes, a retired WWF announcer.” He pointed at Dr. Bear and Rabbit. “This is Cobra Commander, and, of course, his trusty sidekick Destro.”
“Like I said. Commander Vimes.” He paused for a moment, apparently considering how he should proceed. “I was told to wait here for –“ he glanced at Rabbit with just a slight flavoring of incredulous wonder “- Destro. He is supposed to have information for me.”
Rabbit nodded. “That’s right. I have valuable information for you.” He accentuated his declaration by the sudden production of a gigantic white carrot. He began to chew on it with unspeakable, horrifying vigor.
Cobra Commander gibbered incoherently as a Twinkies truck began to unload its shipment into the gas station convenience store. The 843 pound ursanoid fled Destro’s Suzuki Samurai and entered the shop, nearly shaking with satanic need.
“I suspect our time here is limited.” Grinned Rabbit. “Now, Vimes, hop on in. I will fill you in on the case en-route.”
“What do you know about the case?”
“Well, I know it is about the kidnapping of a young maiden from the City, transported into this dimension by a type of extraordinarily rare (thereby impossible to explain to laypeople) dimensional rift. This sordid tale involves absolutely tawdry, filthy sex, violence, tawdry, filthy sex with fuzzy pink restraints, more violence, two hippos, rum raisin ice cream and tawdry, filthy sex.”
A lot of sound was being generated inside the convenience store.
“I believe your time would be best served, Commander, by concentrating on the tawdry, filthy sex,” said Rabbit, brandishing the remnant of his white carrot like Excalibur.
Commander Vimes briskly walked from the gas station convenience store to Rabbit. “I am Commander Vimes of the City Watch,” he said with just a trace of irritation in his voice. “What the fuck are you?”
With the voice of a bass baritone opera singer, Mr. Fox thundered in response. “I am Sir Alfred Hayes, a retired WWF announcer.” He pointed at Dr. Bear and Rabbit. “This is Cobra Commander, and, of course, his trusty sidekick Destro.”
“Like I said. Commander Vimes.” He paused for a moment, apparently considering how he should proceed. “I was told to wait here for –“ he glanced at Rabbit with just a slight flavoring of incredulous wonder “- Destro. He is supposed to have information for me.”
Rabbit nodded. “That’s right. I have valuable information for you.” He accentuated his declaration by the sudden production of a gigantic white carrot. He began to chew on it with unspeakable, horrifying vigor.
Cobra Commander gibbered incoherently as a Twinkies truck began to unload its shipment into the gas station convenience store. The 843 pound ursanoid fled Destro’s Suzuki Samurai and entered the shop, nearly shaking with satanic need.
“I suspect our time here is limited.” Grinned Rabbit. “Now, Vimes, hop on in. I will fill you in on the case en-route.”
“What do you know about the case?”
“Well, I know it is about the kidnapping of a young maiden from the City, transported into this dimension by a type of extraordinarily rare (thereby impossible to explain to laypeople) dimensional rift. This sordid tale involves absolutely tawdry, filthy sex, violence, tawdry, filthy sex with fuzzy pink restraints, more violence, two hippos, rum raisin ice cream and tawdry, filthy sex.”
A lot of sound was being generated inside the convenience store.
“I believe your time would be best served, Commander, by concentrating on the tawdry, filthy sex,” said Rabbit, brandishing the remnant of his white carrot like Excalibur.
posted by Balázsy András at 6:49 PM
2 Comments:
Sex, violence, fuzzy pink love cuffs and rum raisin ice cream. This story just beame autobiographical didn't it?
And welcome back. I missed seeing you around, Pig.
Why is Rabbit eating what I can only assume is a daikon?
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