"That is a silly question. You should ask that from your BRAIN SURGEON."

"So... is there an alternative treatment besides surgery for this, uh, herniated disk in my neck?"
"Shoor. Wheery goood reesults vid many pashents." (I am too tired to keep typing in Russian accent, so just imagine it, please)
"Ah. I see."
"Of course, with your history, I can't really touch you until you cleared the treatment plan with your BRAIN SURGEON."
"Uhm... Yes. Of course. Silly me."
"It's treatable, but with that shunt in your BRAIN, sticking needles into it might be a bit risky."
"Hahaha. Yes, I imagine it would be. What should I, you know, avoid, until this is fixed?"
"Well, no hot water whatsoever. No hot showers or baths."
I nod, crying deep within.
"And absolutely no diuretics. Nothing that can dry you out."
"You mean... No caffeine?"
"Exactly. OR alcohol. Particularly wine or beer. Or acidic foods."
I nod, numb with the realization that he just ripped all joy from my life.
"And of course, working out should be done only in moderation."

Dear God: Anvil or piano dropped on head - simpler and funnier. Just FYI.