About to Die

So I am quitting coffee drinking tomorrow after my dentist makes me all pretty. I went through so much pain to get my teeth to look all hot and stuff, I don't want to muck them up with icky brown stains. Did I just use the words 'pretty' and 'icky' in the same post? Do I sound completely gay? Anyway, like a giant serpent, instinctively aware of the coming dry season, I am consuming vast quantities of coffee, storing away the evil goodness for the coffeeless journey ahead. I already had, like, 10 cups worth of poisonous espresso. My heart hurts, and not from romantic angst. Wow, now my eye hurts too. I am eyeing my coffee cup lovingly (she is still half full of ebony colored EVIL). Expect some completely bitter posts as of tomorrow, full of headache filled growling angst.