TWP Tries to Give Blood
I was whisked off to the Red Cross by two of the women at the translation firm. I smiled and said sure, why not. I had to fill out a questionnaire before I could join the throng of people in a delipedated, communist era gymnasium. In decrepit chairs sait suspicious looking welders and other simple souls, with bags of blood moving up and down, up and down, up and down, on these... things.
Anyway, I filled out the questionnaire.
Actual conversation between rail thin, anorexic doctor and TWP:
"Let's see now..." (slight pause while she digests the unusual number of 'yes' responses on the questionnaire) "Jesus." (stares at TWP, looking suspicious) "You had cancer? What kind of cancer?"
"Brain tumor."
"BRAIN TUMOR?"
"Yes. This is why I checked the rubric next to RADIATION TREATMENT."
"When was this?"
"Uhm... A year ago?"
"You see... You see, you can never ever give blood."
"Uhm?"
"There is a chance of a blood clot inside your brain. If we drain 4.5 dcl of blood, the blood clot might KILL YOU. Also, this sort of thing can piss off your cellular metabolism and your tumor could make a comeback. Of course, there are a bunch or reasons why you cannot give blood, I simply picked out the most significant."
"Wonderful."
"I can't give blood either. Too skinny."
(we are peas in a pod, aren't we, cupcake) "I see. No worries, then. I will just meander off, no problemo."
"Here, let me put the code on your form, just sign here." (In large, terrified red letters, she engraves my form with the numbers 199). "You can never, ever ever give blood."
"Uh."
"So how did your personality change after the surgery?"
"Huh?"
"Everyone with serious brain surgery has a personality shift."
"Really?"
"Yes. My brother had encephalitis - he changed completely."
"Uh. Yes. Well, I suppose so did I."
"Really?"
"Yes. I changed for the better, I think. I do think it was more psychological, though. Fear of death, not much time left, etc. etc."
"Hmm, perhaps so, but I believe your personality would have changed anyway. It's physiological."
"Splendid."
"Isn't it?"
Anyway, I filled out the questionnaire.
Actual conversation between rail thin, anorexic doctor and TWP:
"Let's see now..." (slight pause while she digests the unusual number of 'yes' responses on the questionnaire) "Jesus." (stares at TWP, looking suspicious) "You had cancer? What kind of cancer?"
"Brain tumor."
"BRAIN TUMOR?"
"Yes. This is why I checked the rubric next to RADIATION TREATMENT."
"When was this?"
"Uhm... A year ago?"
"You see... You see, you can never ever give blood."
"Uhm?"
"There is a chance of a blood clot inside your brain. If we drain 4.5 dcl of blood, the blood clot might KILL YOU. Also, this sort of thing can piss off your cellular metabolism and your tumor could make a comeback. Of course, there are a bunch or reasons why you cannot give blood, I simply picked out the most significant."
"Wonderful."
"I can't give blood either. Too skinny."
(we are peas in a pod, aren't we, cupcake) "I see. No worries, then. I will just meander off, no problemo."
"Here, let me put the code on your form, just sign here." (In large, terrified red letters, she engraves my form with the numbers 199). "You can never, ever ever give blood."
"Uh."
"So how did your personality change after the surgery?"
"Huh?"
"Everyone with serious brain surgery has a personality shift."
"Really?"
"Yes. My brother had encephalitis - he changed completely."
"Uh. Yes. Well, I suppose so did I."
"Really?"
"Yes. I changed for the better, I think. I do think it was more psychological, though. Fear of death, not much time left, etc. etc."
"Hmm, perhaps so, but I believe your personality would have changed anyway. It's physiological."
"Splendid."
"Isn't it?"
posted by Balázsy András at 3:34 PM
2 Comments:
Well, at the very least you now have an excuse to never go to another blood drive.
comment spam!
Post a Comment
<< Home