Thank Bacon (Pork Part, not Literary Giant) for Shiny MRI Machine

So I went to get my MRI the other day. Does it sound like my life revolves around medical care? It does? Tough shit! I am happy to be alive, you condescending bastard. I talked to my neural surgeon today about what they have found.

An excerpt of that conversation follows.

"So... You liked the new MRI machine?"
"Yes - it was amazing. It was incredibly wide!"
"You can thank the pigs for that."
"Excuse me?"
"The pigs. You have not heard this before?"
"Uh... No. What do pigs have to do with the new MRI machine?"
"There is no money for health care in this country. There is money for meat. Pigs going for export to the EU must meet bacon thickness standards. They make money with the machine by MRI-ing the pigs."
"Really?" I tried to think back - did I smell anything funky while in the tube? I mean, how would they mask the odor? Does 100 miligrams of Xanax dull one's sense of smell? Am I supposed to feel insulted, or honored to be thrown in with the pigs?
"Yes. This is how they could afford the new machine. They scan pigs with it."
I nodded sagely. What else could I do?